Saturday, April 11, 2026
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Just woke up. My roommate's still asleep. Both of us have vocal lessons later this morning. I've never considered myself to be a singer, especially not a good one, but I've been learning a lot during my lessons the last few months. One of my coworkers has been teaching me for free, which is really nice. It's cool to undo something you've always thought about yourself and realize you can be good at something you never thought you would be able to do. Singing is a skill just like playing any other instrument. You can learn how to get better.
I'm so glad it's the weekend. To make my school schedule work this semester, I've been working five days a week, just with shorter hours every day. I know I'm lucky I can survive on a part time job and that most people work five days a week anyway, but I hate only having two days off. Working at a hospital can be so exhausting. I see a lot of parents crying or screaming, or kids who have been there for weeks or months and are depressed and can't do the things they love. I think working here has made me more afraid of death, too. It's easy to see how quickly bad things can happen. I got in a car accident last month with my best friend (my roommate) and we were fine, but since then I've been having a lot of awful, sudden visions of them dying or getting hurt randomly throughout my day, and being at work doesn't help that.
Sorry to get real dark there. I'm probably going to go see a therapist about this soon. I think it's healthy to be a little scared of death but intrusive visions is probably not good. To deal with them I usually try to chat with someone about it, or sit and remind myself that death is what makes life so sweet, and that all I can do is try to live to the fullest while we're all still here. It usually helps calm me down. Still going to get some help though.
Work yesterday was okay though, I had a nice chat with the chaplain, who's very nice. She asked me all about my family and my schoolwork and stuff and helped me do tasks while we chatted.
I'm just really glad to have a mental break for two days before I get right back in it. I'm going to redye my hair and watch Twin Peaks. I said I wanted to start it again, and I did. I watched an episode yesterday while I was coding this blog. My hair right now is short and black. I'm trying to grow out just the front and shave the sides. Kind of like 2004 Frank Iero hair. It's kinda purple right now since the dye's been fading. I haven't had money to buy hair dye in a while. The car crash and whatnot kinda wiped out my extra spending since we ending up getting a lot of fast food and ubers that weekend while we had to run around and get all the insurance and the rental figured out. But now I've got hair dye again. It'll be nice to fix that up.
I'm looking forward to my little brother graduating high school at the end of the month. I'm going to make him the radio from the Portal games as a gift. It's an alarm clock that I'm going to fix up to play the little radio song. I think he's going to love it. I'm very proud of him.
Alright, that's it for now. I've got to go help a friend alter a dress. Karma out.
Friday, April 10, 2026
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welcome to the blog! my name is karma. not my real name, of course, but my real name isn't even my real name. i've been feeling unsatisfied with life recently and creatively unfulfilled so i'm gonna start writing this blog as a way to let some of it out and have a project to work on.
some things about me. i'm in college, sort of, studying music. i play guitar. i really like reading about music history and band biographies, even if i don't like the band. i play in a punk band and write a lot of music to pass my time. i want to get more into electronic music so i'll probably make a section for that on this website.
my favorite book is the martian by andy weir, my favorite movies are alejandro jorodowsky's the holy mountain and clueless. i don't really watch TV but i'm trying to get back into it, i wanna finally watch twin peaks. i'll make a whole movie list somewhere because i love films a lot.
i live in a fuckass state in the US but i'd love to move to san francisco someday. i don't know how i'll afford it but it would be amazing. i'd also consider moving to nyc as well but san francisco is where my heart is. i grew up in new mexico and i love the desert, i love the west coast. i'm also a big public transportation guy (no car) and san francisco's bart system is nice.
i'm very anti social media but i think the internet is so cool, hence this blog. i wish people were actually social on the internet and made cool stuff. i hate that you can't even customize your profile on like twitter and instagram. what the fuck. what a joke. i like the idea of a kind of anarchist internet ethos. diy forever, off the grid of the main internet kind of thing.
what else about me. i work at a hospital, but i want to work in a music or art related field. i really want to get into a local venue and work with the booking or sound crew. really hard to do though. sigh. my job is pretty nice though, my coworkers are cool as far as coworkers go. i can chat with them, and there's always crazy stuff to tell my roommate about when i get home. i'll definitely write more about all the weird shit that happens at work later.
my family is pretty chill. we had a rough relationship for a little bit but things have been really good the last while. i had a big sit down conversation with my parents a while ago about a lot of things, about our relationship and what things still hurt from my childhood and teenage years and concerns i had about my little siblings and whatnot. it was hard to do but we get along very well after that. they're all amazing people. my sister is a genius, she writes plays and has incredible fashion taste. another one of my siblings is a fantastic 2d animator.
i also sew, i've taken some classes but it's just for fun. i make our band's costumes for stage sometimes. i alter my clothes, etc.
i'll be writing more soon. not sure if anyone will ever read these, but i hope you enjoy if you do! i'm going to add a comment section and a like button function so you can give me a little wave or leave a message for me if you like.
thanks for reading! karma out.